(I just found this in my Drafts, unpublished for some mysterious reason) rectified now, even if a little out of timing.
I Love this animation. It reminds me of St Francis of Assisi hearing his call to rebuild the church at St Damiano.
Every evening the children and I have been lighting an Advent candle on the dinner table. It burns down one daily digit at a time. Christmas absolutely for me this year is about the birth of Christ, more than ever. This year there is little attraction to the commercial thrill of wrapping sparkly fizzyness.
Christmas this year is the hardest one in many ways yet.
Once when I was living on my own with my two smallest children, my Daddy gave me the kindest secret gift of £100 and asked me not to tell anyone else. It was so that I could buy all the family Christmas presents because I had gotten upset that I had no money to buy anybody anything. I wish he were physically here now ~ not because I have no money again this year ~ but because I am missing his warmth, his kindness and his earthly Love. He filled me with hope when there seemingly wasn’t any.
I even watched him die after all his hard-worked days, where he forever physically grafted just to feed his family and take the odd holiday. It broke my heart to see him part from this life, when he never once knew what the respite of being financially secure felt like. His mortgage was only paid off for my mother when he died. His only reprieve would have been Heaven.
After he died I had a really vivid dream (which visually stays with me to this day) of him in his pale blue smart shirt (with faintest cream pin stripes) made casual by sleeves being rolled back like summer. He was driving a matching very smart metallic palest blue old jag, with a Giant smiley eyed grin on his face ~ ‘Don’t worry about me mate’ ~ he assured me in his laid back manner, he was happy right where he was, window wide open, sunshine pouring in and out, happiness.
God I Love that man †
Silly old mind.
One feels that Advent should be filled with a little more joy, especially that I was received in on the patron Saint of Joys special day. Gaudette Come.